Happy thoughts Happy thoughts

Emo fest so over. After some alone time and deep deep thinking I finally realise that there's no need for grief. Hey, we all have our drama's in life right?. This is one of mine. So i should deal with it.
Alright, enough obout that. I wanna think happy thoughts. The first thing that comes to mind when thinking about happiness is my boyfriend. Just the image of him smiling can make my day. He's the first thing that comes to mind when im awake and the last thing i think about before going to bed. Even just by typing these words about him made me smile. I don't care what my friends say about him. Because they all fade away when im with him. He's the only guy who has ever made me feel this way. Sometimes i get nervous and started to talk weird, i get unbalanced when im with him (literally),and he makes me speechless not to mention breathless.
In a nutshell, he's everything that i've ever wanted. I LOVE YOU AMIR.

Confusion

Hey hey. Raya is in two days from now but for some reason this year im not that excited about it. There's to much on my mind. Its kind of tiring. Watching everyone so enthusiastic about Raya. Oh god, whats wrong with me. Im becoming so confused about stuff lately that I can't seem to enjoy even the slightest of happiness thats happening right before my eyes. I keep staring into space wondering stuff that doesn't even make sense. haih.
SELAMAT HARI RAYA TO ALL MUSLIMS OUT THERE.
oh oh oh. Today i suddenly shed a tear of grief. eceh. yeah, i cried. Its been awhile since that happened to me. Why i cried? its because i felt guilty towards my friend. He expressed his feelings towards me and I may have said something that offended him in someway i think. because after i talked to him he said "Oh sorry then, i will forget about you." I tried to set things right but his responds was "I think u should stop texting me because if you tak stop nanti i'll never forget you.THATS WHAT YOU WANT RIGHT. sorry, im too upset to talk to you."
I was shocked after he said that. and BAAM suddenly tears started falling. It was the first time i've ever cried because of a guy. Man, its sounds so pathetic. Im so pathetic.The weird part is I keep wondering why? why did i cry because of this guy? Is he that special? is his feeling is that important to me? why?